Talking with Your Family About Hospice

So, you’re going to see family for the 4th of July. We’ve seen it time and time again. You haven’t seen your parents in a few months so you pack up, jump in the car, and travel to see them over the holiday weekend. When you get there, you’re surprised. Their health, mobility, mental acuity, and physical body have changed greatly. Here are 10 key steps to guide your conversations around Hospice care.

1. Ask for Honesty About the Medical Situation
Gather a clear view of your loved one’s current condition, including their physical and emotional health, pain levels, and how treatments are affecting them. Family members who are less involved in day-to-day care may not be aware of recent changes or increasing needs.

2. Start the Conversation Early
Ideally, discuss hospice care before it becomes urgent. Early conversations allow your loved one and family time to consider all the options available and make informed decisions. Decisions made under times of great stress are often done without the right knowledge or worse yet, no decision due to decision paralysis.

3. Focus on Your Loved One’s Wishes
Center the discussion on what your loved one wants for their care and quality of life. Use advance directives or previous conversations about their values and preferences to guide the discussion.

4. Explain What Hospice Is—and Isn’t
Address common misconceptions. Hospice is not just for the final days; it can provide months of support focused on comfort, dignity, and quality of life. Explain that hospice care includes medical, emotional, and practical support for both the patient and the family.

5. Highlight the Benefits of Hospice
Emphasize that hospice care can help manage symptoms, reduce pain, provide emotional and spiritual support, and allow more meaningful time together. How often are you helping to manage doctors’ appointments rather than spending time together in the comfort of their home.

6. Use Empathetic and Direct Language
Be honest and direct, but also compassionate. Acknowledge that this is a difficult topic and that it’s normal to have fears or concerns.

7. Involve Key Family Members
If possible, gather all primary caregivers and decision-makers for the conversation. This helps ensure everyone is informed and can contribute their perspectives and support.

8. Leave Space for Questions and Ongoing Dialogue
Encourage family members to ask questions and express their thoughts. Remind them that this is likely the first of several conversations, and it’s okay to revisit the topic as circumstances change.

9. Seek Support from Medical Professionals
Involve your loved one’s healthcare team. Ask them to explain the prognosis and hospice options, and to clarify any medical details or insurance benefits, such as the Medicare Hospice Benefit.

10. Respect the Hierarchy
Recognize that your loved one’s personal beliefs may influence decisions about hospice care. Be sensitive to these factors and allow space for them in the conversation.